


Nights like these

by Ahiku



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Other, Past Child Abuse, Past Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 19:38:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13301808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ahiku/pseuds/Ahiku
Summary: Their mouths drew closer, until they almost touched. Both boys closed their eyes and parted their lips, tasting the hot breath of the other. Burning electrical currents were running through their veins, the sweet pain in their stomachs more prominent than ever before. It was almost too much – almost unbearable and yet absolutely mind-blowing. So they kept savoring and purposefully drawing out the goosebumps-causing thrill of anticipation; the blazing heat that never failed to manifest before their kisses.“I was eleven,” Philip suddenly whispered, slightly reclining his head to look up at Lukas.“Huh?”“When I got that scar...” Philip clarified.





	Nights like these

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! :D 
> 
> This is my first Eyewitness fanfiction. It's not proofread and English is not my native language, so I apologize in advance for possible grammar mistakes and typos. I really tried my best, though, and I hope you'll enjoy it nevertheless. ;3
> 
> The cover art is also made by me. If you want to see more, you can find me on Twitter or Tumblr. (ahikuboruchi)

__

 

Sometimes, when sleep refused to embrace Lukas, he lay awake and thought about the sparkling multitude of memories in the night sky. He thought of distant stars made of light that had taken so long to travel it no longer existed, and how they were a steady reminder that nothing in his life was permanent, that nothing was everlasting.

After his near-death experience, Lukas had quickly grown to appreciate all the little things he’d always taken for granted. Ordinary and everyday things like riding his dirt bike on a crisp morning, taking care of the turkeys, or a refreshing drink of water on a hot summer day – and the stars he could see when he looked out of his bedroom window.

There were no stars in the city. The orange glow of light pollution had driven them away, but out in the countryside they were breathtaking. Their sheer beauty reminded him of Philip’s eyes, which held galaxies and universes in a maelstrom of molten chocolate, and Lukas wanted nothing more than to get lost in them.

He couldn’t wait to see him again. It had been just five or six hours since he last saw Philip, but he missed him already. He missed him with an unbearable, bone-deep ache.

On nights like these, when Lukas’s soporifics failed to make his eyelids droop, and he lay there wide-awake with terrifying images he rather wanted to forget tumbling around in his head, he never drifted off to sleep until the purple outside his window had faded to silver. On nights like these, when not even the strongest starlight could brighten the darkness he felt when Philip was not by his side, Lukas grew excruciatingly restless. On these nights, Lukas couldn’t bear to be without him.

Tonight, though, was not one of these agonizing, never-ending nights. And yet, Lukas was in pain. It was a good kind pain, though, tingling and exciting, and it radiated from his stomach to the tips of his fingers and the points of his toes.

_Philip, Philip, Philip!_

Vibrant images of big brown eyes, a little frown wrinkle, and full, kissable lips swirled through Lukas’s mind like a tornado, whipping up a vortex of longing.

Tonight he needed to hold Philip. He needed to hold him like he needed air to breathe. So he packed a couple of things in his dark blue backpack, sneaked out of the house, and rode through the streets of the sleeping village – at first aimlessly, then with purpose.

He made his way to the Caldwell farm, and hid his dirt bike in some bushes a bit away from it, trying not to wake Gabe and Helen up. Stealthily, he hurried down the hill until he reached their property, then crossed the meadow in front of their house. He stole into the barn and finally clambered up onto the loft. Lukas quickly glanced around before he got down to work. Hay dust swirled around in the sliver of the waning moon light as he emptied the contents on his backpack on the hay bales – a couple of blankets, a big bottle of soda, sugary snacks, and a dozen of battery operated led tealight candles. Before he settled down to message Philip, he arranged the lights, fluffed up piles of hay and covered it with the blankets.

When he was done, he made himself comfortable and waited. A warm night breeze whispered through the trees, perfuming the air with the scents of hibiscus and new-mown grass. Tiny flies and moths gathered around the tealight candles, while the night choir of frogs and cicadas serenaded their sole audience with summertime arias.

Lukas listened carefully until he finally heard someone enter the barn. He didn’t need to look down from the hayloft to know it was Philip, since he’d recognize his boyfriend’s determined, brisk footsteps among thousands of others.

The ladder creaked as Philip climbed up to the loft.

“Lukas?” he whispered, alarmed. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

The corners of Lukas’s mouth curved upwards as he rose from his makeshift mattress and walked across the wooden boards to meet the other boy, but his smile vanished as soon as he saw the state Philip was in. Confusion was written all over Philip’s face as he swiftly walked towards Lukas, with tangled chestnut hair that stood in every direction, rumpled sleeping clothes, and pillow creases on his cheek. His bare feet were a little dirty and red from his run across the meadow.

A wave of guilt washed over Lukas. He cursed himself for never thinking twice about certain things. Philip had clearly been asleep. He didn’t mean to wake him up, and he definitely didn’t mean to worry him – that was the last thing Philip needed right now. And the last thing Lukas wanted to do.

And yet, here he was. Sleepy, bewildered and in distress, but nevertheless always at the ready to listen, ready to comfort and soothe Lukas whenever he was needed.

“I’m fine. I- I just...” he stuttered apologetically. “I’ve missed you.”

He wrapped his arms around Philip’s tense body, trying to ease the ache in his chest. After a few seconds, Philip relaxed into the embrace with a deep sigh while he pressed his mouth against Lukas’s shoulder.

“I’ve missed you too,” he mumbled against the soft fabric of Lukas’s midnight blue ‘born to ride’ T-shirt. “Just – just don’t scare me like that again, okay?”

“Sorry.”

“I thought something bad had happened to you.”

‘ ** _Need u! Waiting in the barn_** ,’ was a rather vague and worrisome message. And the fact that Lukas had broken into the Caldwell barn at 2 am hadn’t exactly helped to stop Philip’s alarm clocks from ringing.

“I’m sorry,” Lukas repeated and placed a soft kiss on Philip’s forehead. “Don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad.” Philip sighed groggily and closed his heavy eyelids, laying his long lashes in a silky dark crescent on his slightly flushed cheeks. Lukas kissed each of them. They felt hot to the touch.

“But you’re frowning,” he whispered against the rosy skin as he pressed Philip tighter against his body. His lips ghosted from his cheeks back up to his forehead, where he tried to smooth away the worry wrinkle between Philip’s furrowed eyebrows by rubbing the tip of his nose against the unwanted crease. “You’re always frowning. It’s like your default setting.”

“I’m not always frowning.”

“Oh yes, you are! Your frown wrinkle is deeper than the Grand Canyon,” Lukas argued before he breathed another couple of soft butterfly kisses on Philip’s worry line.

“This is a scar, Lukas. It won’t go away,” Philip chuckled and opened his eyes to look at Lukas.

“Oh...” Cerulean eyes burned with curiosity but also concern as they stared down at Philip. It was pretty obvious that Lukas badly wanted to know more, but he didn’t want to make Philip feel uncomfortable, so he rather swallowed his questions.

“Don’t stop trying, though. Feels really nice.”

“Yeah?”

“Mh-mhh.”

Lukas hummed in response while he once again pressed his lips against Philip’s scar. He ran his fingers gently through Philip’s curls before he cupped his neck. His other arm stayed around Philip’s waist, his large, warm hand rubbing circles against the small of his back. Philip melted into Lukas’s embrace like butter on warm bread. They swayed around slowly, completely silent, loosing themselves in seas of brilliant blue and warm chocolate as the sounds of night played around them like a song.

Their mouths drew closer, until they almost touched. Both boys closed their eyes and parted their lips, tasting the hot breath of the other. Burning electrical currents were running through their veins, the sweet pain in their stomachs more prominent than ever before. It was almost too much – almost unbearable and yet absolutely mind-blowing. So they kept savoring and purposefully drawing out the goosebumps-causing thrill of anticipation; the blazing heat that never failed to manifest before their kisses.

“I was eleven,” Philip suddenly whispered, slightly reclining his head to look up at Lukas.

“Huh?”

“When I got that scar...” Philip clarified.

“You don’t – you don’t need to tell me, Philip.”

“But you’d like to know...”

“I do. But I even more don’t want you to feel upset.”

“It’s okay. I wanna tell you,” Philip reassured Lukas. He wanted to tell him more about his past, because Lukas deserved to know, deserved to understand. It would be just fair to him, since Lukas was the person Philip loved and trusted the most in this world.

He didn’t want his secrets clouding their still fragile and blossoming relationship. Secretiveness had brought them nothing but trouble so far. They both knew that from experience. They both knew the pain that came with it. And they both knew that the underlying guilt would never leave them as long as they lived.

So, over the last few weeks, Philip had begun to reveal small fragments of his past to Helen and Gabe. Opening up about all the horrible, agonizing things he had kept hidden deep in his soul for such a long time was exceedingly hard for him, but he had finally realized that his adoptive parents genuinely cared for his well-being. He knew that Gabe had cared for him before, but after the events concerning Ryan Kane, Philip had understood that he could trust Helen with his life as well.

Nevertheless, he’d decided to take it slow. It was easier for him that way. And definitely better than dropping the entire bombshell at once. Helen would be able to piece together the puzzle of his past faster than he’d like, anyway...

“When I was eleven,” Philip croaked and furrowed his eyebrows. He paused for a second to clear his throat. Lukas looked at him softly and waited patiently for Philip to continue.

“When I was eleven, my mom had one of these boyfriends who were really bothered by my existence. He– he hit me a lot,” Philip said and looked up to meet Lukas’s gaze once he noticed that Lukas had stiffened. “One time, he slapped me so hard I lost my balance and fell against the edge of the kitchen table.”

Lukas cringed. “Ow.”

“Yeah,” Philip whispered, dropping his gaze. “It bled like crazy, but it ended up being hardly deep at all. Still left a pretty ugly scar, though.”

“It’s not ugly, Philip,” Lukas disagreed before kissing Philip’s scar again. “Scalp lacerations are kinda frightening. I also had one a few years back...” Being a motocross rider made him prone to injury after all. “Didn’t leave a scar, though.”

“Oh. Good for you,” Philip said with a small smile on his lips that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Immediately, he felt himself closing off, putting up his defenses like armor. A muscle in his jaw twitched as he unintentionally clenched his teeth.

He didn’t expect pity. He didn’t want it either, because it wouldn’t change a thing. In fact, Philip didn’t know what he wanted Lukas to do. It just felt as if the incident was trivialized.

_See? It’s no big deal. People get injured all the time._

Philip tried to ignore the small voice in his head, but it kept whispering.

_No one cares what happened to you._

“Hey,” Lukas breathed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just–” Philip began, but didn’t know what to say. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times without making a single sound. Then he swallowed. “Why...?”

“Your expression just turned really toxic.”

“Toxic!” Philip raised his eyebrows. Lukas shook his head.

“Yeah. No! No, that’s probably not the right word. You just looked... kinda bitter all of a sudden. As if you retreated from me,” he tried to explain. “But that’s the last thing I want, Philip. I don’t wanna make you feel small.”

Philip’s tense body relaxed noticeably. The frown, however, remained on his face.

“I just – I don’t know how to react,” Lukas admitted. “All I wanna do is rage because this asshole hurt you and treated you like shit. But coming from me, this is a goddamn hypocritical thing to say, y’know?”

“Lukas...” Philip clamped his hands on Lukas’s wrists, vehemently shaking his head. “You can’t even compare these things. You were scared, Lukas.”

“Yeah,” Lukas laughed bitterly. “I was fucking scared. This makes it even worse, because in the end my coming-out wasn’t half as bad as expected.” The agonizing conglomerate of awkwardness and miscommunication that was his and his dad’s relationship had generated so much anxiety in his soul that he rather concealed murders instead of confiding in his own parent. Entangled in a net of lies, he had abused and manipulated the one person he loved the most – and all that just because Philip was a boy.

A gentle and far too forgiving boy whose wide, gorgeous eyes betrayed his vulnerability time and again. A boy who didn’t deserve to be treated like that.

Lukas’s fear had made him a guy he definitely didn’t want to be.

Cruel. Cold. Ruthless.

Even though there was so much love, tenderness and warmth inside him...

However, his biggest fear didn’t come true. His dad was not homophobic – at least not in the ’get back ye souls of depravity to the gates of hell from whence you came’ sense of the term. He and Lukas just didn’t really get each other.

However, Lukas knew that the last thing Bo wanted for him was to be afraid of his own father. He knew that his father loved him. Bo had made that more than clear after Lukas had barely escaped death twice. So they both made an effort to communicate better. It didn’t always work, though, but at least they tried.

“It’s not worse,” Philip argued. “I mean, I don’t want to sugarcoat it, because it really sucked at times, but you made more than up for it.” He shrugged. “Mitch just did it to me because he liked power games. And to show me my place. I wasn’t one of his own, after all.”

“Mitch.” Lukas rolled his eyes. “What a stupid name.”

Philip blew some air through his nose in a poor attempt of a laugh. “He treated my mom alright, though. Took care of her when she was high.”

“And who took care of you?” Lukas asked, even though he knew it was a rhetorical question.

“The school nurse?” Philip answered nevertheless. “I went to school and told her I’d fallen up one of the school staircases.”

“Fallen up?” Lukas arched one of his dark eyebrows.

“Happened to me before,” Philip explained with another shrug. “When I was little, I was running towards a staircase in the mall where my mom was waiting. I guess I misjudged where the first step was and biffed it pretty hard. Scratched my knees, hit my head, bruised my arms....”

“Dude! You gotta be more careful.”

A small chuckle escaped Philip’s lips.

“I mean it, Philip,” Lukas insisted, tightening his hold on him.

“I know, I know. I ’ m careful now. I promise.”

“And they say motocross is dangerous.”

Philip laughed. It was the sweetest sound Lukas had heard so far this evening, and it managed to cause a tingly feeling in the pit of his stomach. The corners of his mouth raised as well, and his lips parted, but Lukas didn’t laugh.

He couldn’t. The attempt of his smile vanished from his face. He frowned. “She should’ve done something. Your mom...”

Philip looked up at him with intense, dark eyes. “Oh, she did,” he said. “She did.”

It was in one of these nights in which Mitch had been particularly violent and abusive towards Philip. Obviously, he had thought Anne was too high to notice anything going on around her. She wasn’t, though. So, when she’d entered the kitchen and had seen Mitch brutally smashing her son against the fridge while hitting him multiple times in his already bloody face, she’d totally lost it.

She’d grabbed a dirty fruit knife from the sink and had swung it around, literally throwing her frail body between Philip and her not-much-longer-boyfriend.

“How dare you to touch my son? Fuck off! Seriously, Mitch, fuck off before I forget myself and rip off your dirty junk!” Her voice had been loud yet shaky, her bushy hair messy, her brown eyes wild – but she’d stood tall and brave like a lion in front of her child. Philip, who was still shorter than his mother at age eleven, had hidden cowardly behind her slightly trembling, fine-boned frame.

It had made him feel small. So incredibly small.

Philip was supposed to protect her. Not vice versa.

Still, he’d been thankful that she’d made Mitch stop hurting him...

When Mitch was finally gone and Anne had pushed up Philip’s bloodied shirt to reveal a multitude of purple and green bruises on his malnourished body, she’d had a meltdown.

She couldn’t stop crying for hours.

“I’m so sorry he hurt you, baby,” she had sobbed into his mob of brown curls, again and again. She had hugged him close, unceasingly stroking through his hair for hours while sharing her bed with him. “I’m so sorry I put you through this all.”

After that night, she’d tried to come off drugs cold turkey. She really had tried. But in the end, her addiction was stronger...

“She kicked him out,” Philip said vaguely. He rather did not mention that it had taken her six months to notice what Mitch had done to him. Philip wasn’t ready to tell Lukas the entire truth yet – about Anne’s darkest day. About his darkest days. About the shady businesses in dark alleyways that had paid the electricity bill and food when his mother had been at her worst. About how said businesses still made him feel worthless and dirty. About how they had brought him not only onto the radar of the child protection service, but as a result also to several foster homes and eventually to Tivoli.

Philip’s entire world had been set on fire, and all he could do was watch it burn.

Sometimes, it was still hard to breathe. And sometimes, when the pain was too much to bear, his soul was still screaming in silence...

Sometimes, he could still hear his mother’s voice. She always talked softly, she never reproached him, but he couldn’t shake the guilt for not being able to keep her safe.

On nights like these, not even turning on the sink helped to escape the ghost of her...

A low humming sound left Lukas’s throat, rousing Philip from his thoughts. Lukas bent down, his lips against Philip’s neck, brushing it lightly. “Good,” he whispered. “Hope she kicked him where it hurts.”

Lukas’s hot breath against Philip’s tender skin sent shivers through his nerves, shivers that made his whole body tremble. Lukas tightened his hold around Philip’s waist once again, before his lips traced the line of his still slightly clenched jaw up to his cheekbone.

“I never want to see you hurt again,” he whispered in Philip’s ear. He could hear how Lukas’s breath faltered. Philip heard him swallow, then he blew out his own breath he hadn’t even noticed he was holding. His hand slid gently to the nape of Lukas’s neck as they started to sway again, bodies moving against each other slowly. Sensually.

Lukas took a breath, and another, before he finally broke the silence.

“Philip?” he breathed, his voice shaky.

Philip’s eyes stayed closed as he hummed lowly, still swaying around. “Hmm?”

“My stomach hurts...”

Philip stopped their movements. He leaned back to look at him, worry dancing in his eyes.

“Oh.” His mouth formed a perfect circle. “I’ll go get you some stomach medicine then.”

“No, wait!” Lukas said loudly and grabbed Philip’s wrist as he stepped back from him. “Wait”, he said again, quieter. Softer. “I mean – I mean, my _stomach hurts_ , Philip. It hurts so bad,” he repeated with emphasis in his voice. “Every time I look at you... I just... Oh god, fuck...”

Lukas shivered and started to worry his bottom lip with his perfectly straight front teeth. He ran a hand roughly through his bleached bangs, and pulled hard, agitated.

_Why is this so hard? Why is this so freaking hard? He’s the best thing that ever happened to you. Just tell him. Tell him properly, you coward._

Philip stared at him, dumbfounded. His mouth was slightly open as he breathed in and out softly.

“Lukas...”

“I love you...” There was the most earnest tone to Lukas’s voice, and yet it was the quietest of all whispers. Not even a little barn mouse would have heard. Not even the nightly summer breeze could carry away this long hidden secret. It was not meant for other ears than Philip’s, anyway.

And Philip had never heard anything clearer.

He’d known it, though. He had known it, since their first romantic evening in the barn. Lukas had shown him countless times that Philip was his. His love. His passion. His everything.

Lukas had always been better with actions than words. And Philip had always thought he didn’t need to hear these three words, but boy, was he wrong. A single tear ran down his face.

“Hey, hey. Don’t cry,” Lukas said urgently, contracting his eyebrows, but Philip just shook his head.

“I love you too,” he answered quickly, before he cupped Lukas’s cheeks to smash their lips together. He kissed him with a swift gradation of intensity that made Lukas desperately cling to him as the only solid thing in a completely dizzying world. The sweet warmth from Philip’s lips slipped down Lukas’s throat, sending wild tremors along his nerves as it curled down into his stomach where it grew into a burning inferno.

Lukas ’ s fingers drifted along Philip ’ s jawline, finding the curve of his neck. Philip’s warm hands fell along his waist and wandered up under his shirt to touch and tease the soft skin beneath. Gentle pressure followed, and then there was Lukas on his back, and Philip over him, knees on the makeshift bed on either side of Lukas’s slender hips.

“What’s all that stuff?” Philip asked, confused and utterly breathless.

“Huh?” Lukas gasped, equally winded.

Philip glanced around and nodded in direction of the led candles on top of the hay rolls, then picked up one of the half-eaten snacks that littered the floor around Lukas’s self-made straw mattress.

“Working on your muffin top, huh?” he teased, amused.

“My what?”

“Your little stomach!” he explained with a broad grin on his face. Lukas’s shirt had ridden up slightly, revealing a very inviting strip of his concave underbelly, so Philip gave it a go and darted forward to poke it playfully.

“Hey! Stop it!” Lukas sucked in his stomach and tried to grab Philip’s nimble hands, but failed so miserably that Philip couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I. Love. Your. Tummy!” Philip continued cheekily, accentuating each word with another poke or tickle. “It’s cute!”

“Stop it, you asshole!” Lukas laughed. He lightly pushed Philip’s shoulder.

“Sugar and led candles. You sure made yourself at home.”

“Shut up!”

“So sweet! Is tha–mmngh!” The rest of his words were lost against Lukas’s mouth. He reached up and pulled Philip down, fists knotted in his crumpled sleep top. He groaned softly, low in his throat, and then his arms circled Philip, strong and steady, gathering him against his body, before he rolled them over. Their legs were tangled together, fingers intertwined, lips still interlocked.

Both boys panted heavily as they kissed with fervency, exploring the softness of each other’s warm mouths. Their eyes were closed, with thick, long lashes lying dusky against pale, moonlit cheeks.

After a while, their kisses grew slower, more purposeful. They moved languidly, holding and squeezing each other as tightly as possible, as if they could melt together and become one. It’s bound to work this way.

“Philip?” Lukas moaned between two kisses, voice thick with lust and desire. “Wanna do it?”

“Mhhhyeah,” Philip breathed, unable to form a coherent answer, swift fingers already fumbling on the button and fly of Lukas’s denim pants. He quickly pulled Lukas’s blue t-shirt over his head and tossed it aside, before reaching out and running his fingers along the prominent line of Lukas’s collar bone, gently tracing the v-shaped groove at the base of his neck.

Philip lifted his upper body, twisting himself awkwardly while trying to get a better angle, and set his lips to that hollow, working upwards to kiss Lukas’s neck, then his throat. Lukas sighed softly, feeling himself relax into Philip’s gentle touch. Between two hungry kisses, he tugged away the remains of the denim still clinging to Lukas’s waist. Cooperatively, Lukas helped him and wriggled out of his pants like a snake out of its skin. The thick folds of material slipped from his gangly legs inch by inch until they fell away completely, revealing the almost snow-white skin beneath. However, Lukas pale skin flushed when his underwear came off with his pants, exposing his hot, aroused flesh to the cooling night air.

Despite having seen Lukas naked more than one time, it still caught Philip’s breath. He felt a small tug in his stomach, a little flutter in the chest as Lukas looked down at him, cerulean eyes filled with affection and yet a little hint of insecurity.

“Not fair,” murmured Lukas with a lopsided smirk on his face. Even though it didn’t help to cover up the rising edge of anxiety in his voice, he at least tried to fight the reflex of hiding his growing erection with his hands. “W-we need to get rid of your clothes, too.”

“Okay. No problem,” Philip breathed. He made short work of his shirt, while Lukas impatiently tugged at his sleeping shorts. “Uh, wait a second. Just let me...” Philip said and raised his hips, so Lukas could pull them off.

Once Philip was naked as well, a faint blush stained Lukas’s cheeks as he let his hungry gaze wander over Philip’s slim body, until their lust-darkened eyes met. Lukas licked his lips and swallowed audibly. With hooded lids, Philip watched Lukas’s Adam’s apple bob. The movement was so sensual, it caused shivers to flutter across Philip’s skin. He needed to touch him. So he reached out a hand to stroke the reddened skin at the back of Lukas’s neck.

“Better?” he asked hoarsely, brushing bleached hair away from Lukas’s forehead before running his fingers through his flaxen tangles.

“Hm-mhh!” Lukas nodded and smiled sweetly before he kissed him again, so tender and soft it made Philip’s heart ache. It filled him with so much longing that it almost scared him. A small sigh left his throat as Lukas licked his bottom lip playfully, nudging Philip’s lips apart until they offered him free access to the sweet and delightful heat within.

Philip tightened his hold round his neck as the weight of Lukas’s firm body pressed him into the softness of the blankets. As he did so his lower half brushed against Philip’s, causing both boys to groan into each other’s mouths. Philip let his body respond and opened his legs wider, bucking up against Lukas’s, once again searching for that tight pressure that would send them both soaring. Soon, they were desperately grinding against each other , gasping and panting whenever their mouths separated so they could suck in much needed air.

Lukas bit Philip’s plump bottom lip while the boy pressed his pelvis up against his, frantically trying to meet him thrust for thrust, rubbing his cock against his belly, then changing the angle so that Lukas’s shaft pressed firmly into his perineum and the sensitive skin around his puckered little bud. He whimpered and sped up, eager for more of that delicious friction. Philip’s movements were raw, overwhelming and desperate, and yet, Lukas raised his hips away from him, forcing both of them to more slowness. Not to tease, of course, but to extend their pleasure. But even though he had good intentions, his actions still earned him a whine and a murderous pout from Philip.

“Ah, come on!”, he giggled, breathless. “Do you really think I’d let you come so easily, babe?”

Philip answered him with the worst frown Lukas had ever seen on his face. His expression didn’t last long, however, as Lukas lowered his head and proceeded to take one of Philip’s nipples between his teeth. Strands of flaxen hair slipped from behind Lukas’s ears as he began to trail open-mouthed kisses over Philip’s chest. They tickled his skin, softly and feather-like, as Lukas’s mouth branded his flesh, claiming Philip’s body for his own. Lukas’s long fingered hands were rough and calloused from farm work and motorcycling, but they felt warm and perfect as they flitted across Philip’s thighs, brushing the V of his groin while barely grazing the moist and swollen tip of his reddened erection. The light contact was enou gh to send bolts of electricity through his body and made his cock twitch. Philip moaned and raised his hips off the makeshift bed, trying to get more attention. But once again, Lukas moved back. He stayed close, but didn’t touch him any further.

“For God’s sake, Lukas! Why are you such a freaking tease today?” Philip groaned, frustrated.

“I don’t want it to be over so soon,” Lukas replied, eyes full with desire.

“We haven’t even really started yet!”

“I want it to be good, okay? I wanna make you feel good. And I want to take my time with you.”

They’d never had enough time, it had always been rushed. And Lukas knew that they hadn’t really been ready for it before...

Their first time was out of fear of missing out one of the most fundamental truths of life and an essential parts to human nature. Curiosity had outdone the last bit of their rationality. In the end, it had hurt both of them.

Their frightened minds were willing, but their bodies weren’t ready yet.

Their second time wasn’t much better. The scars on their souls were too fresh, even after months of giving each other much needed affection that was not clouded by sexual desire. They had spent countless nights lying in each other’s arms, conveying comfort when the other couldn’t stop crying, and crying for the other when tears refused to fall.

The second time, their bodies were willing, but their vulnerable, scarred minds weren’t ready yet. Lukas had reached a very unsatisfying orgasm. Philip wasn’t able to come at all, causing an uncomfortable twisting feeling of guilt and fear of failure to settle deep in Lukas’s bones.

Their third time was better – even though Lukas was so focused on pleasing Philip that he’d completely forgotten about his own pleasure. When Philip had noticed what Lukas was doing, he’d tried to turn the tables. Both still had to learn a thing or two about giving and receiving, and that sex was not a competition, that it was supposed to be fun and explorative, not a high-pressure thing. And that sometimes, the journey was its own reward...

“We can take our time tonight, Lukas,” Philip said softly. They were in a safe space. Their softness and vulnerability wouldn’t lead to any hurt. “I also want you to feel good. I want us to feel good together.” He kissed Lukas sweetly and whispered sensually against his lips: “I want you. All of you, Lukas. I wanna feel you inside me.”

Lukas’s breath hitched. His heart was racing. Every hair on his body raised, and his pupils widened, until the blue of his irises was almost gone.

Once again their mouths clashed, and neither knew who initiated the kiss, but it didn’t matter anyway. Philip touched Lukas between the thighs, smearing the wetness which had already dewed there. He earned a whimper – a glorious sound which grew guttural as Philip’s movements quickened, long fingers coyly weaving up and down his length as if they were playing an instrument. Lush lips wandered along his jawline, down to the crook of his neck, and soon, the pleasure became too much, causing stars to appear at the corners of Lukas‘s vision. His heavy breathing filled the room, his skin was bright pink and damp with sweat, his bright hair clinging to the hollows of his cheeks as his mouth fell open to meet the frantic rate of his gasping.

Lukas shivered against Philip, pulling away for the third time this evening. “Wait,” he begged. “Wait, Philip, please!”

Philip stopped in an instant, dark brows knit in concern. “Are you okay? I haven’t hurt you, have I?”

“Yes, no! I’m fine,” Lukas swallowed. “But you’re gonna make me come.”

“Well, that’s kind of the point, Lukas.” Philip chuckled before gently pressing his lips into the slope of Lukas’s neck.

“I thought you wanted to feel me inside of you.”

“Yeah, I do, but it’s not that I don’t enjoy the way you look when I’m touching you.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Philip lips quirked upwards before he suddenly grimaced, skillfully mimicking Lukas’s expressions, his whimpers and moans when pleasure washed over him like a hot tidal wave. He laughed when Lukas shoved him. The wild smile on his face stayed as Lukas’s thin but strong arms tightened around his body, pushing him back down so he was lying flat upon the mattress.

“Shut it, asshole!” Lukas tried to sound strict, but he failed miserably since laughter kept escaping his lips. “You’re not better.”

“Aww, you know I’m just kidding, right?” Philip teased, raising his pelvis and pressing it tight up against Lukas’s crotch, allowing him to feel his arousal. “This is what you do to me, love.”

Lukas snarled. It was a sound that rumbled from deep in his chest, ragged and raw. He kissed Philip messily, tongues twining together, fervent hands and mouths exploring and touching, touching, touching in a never-ending maelstrom of wants and not-enoughs.

Philip wasn’t sure how or when it had happened, but he suddenly found himself lying on his stomach. Philip also didn’t know when or how Lukas had managed to conjure a condom and a bottle of lube from his bag, but both things were suddenly lying next to him on the soft blanket.

However, he found that he didn’t really care, because Lukas was hovering over him, covering his neck and spine with wet, open-mouthed kisses which set his entire body ablaze. Slick fingers gently trailed along the curve between his butt cheeks until they found his rose-colored little bud. Lukas circled and teased the sensitive, wrinkled skin a couple of times before carefully pushing one of his digits inside.

Philip’s hot breath dampened the rumpled sheets beneath him. He hissed through his clenched teeth even though he felt no pain, just a slight discomfort as his body tensed reflexively around the intrusion. The soft kisses and nibbles along his spine distracted him as Lukas’s finger wriggled upward about two or three inches, slowly softening Philip’s most intimate muscles with utter care. After a while, Lukas lazily began to thrust his finger in and out, while his thumb caressed Philip’s perineum and balls gently, causing goosebumps to form on his soft skin.

Philip’s body relaxed and Lukas gradually increased the number of fingers he buried knuckle-deep within Philip’s hot tightness, brushing and massaging his inner walls until they found the walnut-shaped bundle of nerves they were looking for. Philip groaned shakily into the straw mattress and eagerly moved his hips up in the air, silently begging for more pressure. Lukas’s free hand stroked the curve of Philip’s back, carefully pressing his pelvis back down onto the mattress. He crooked his fingers, applying light pressure toward the sensitive gland, and watched, fascinated, as his fingers took Philip apart, setting his body ablaze as he spasmed with desperate sobs.

“Lukas,” he slurred. His flushed face turned sideways on the makeshift pillow that was Lukas’s bag as he tried to glance up at him with unfocused eyes. His pupils were blown out so much his irises looked almost black. A few damp strands of his chestnut hair stuck to his forehead, his jaw was slack, mouth wide open with a sliver of saliva shining on his chin as violent shivers made his slender body tremble. “Lukas, please! Lukas!”

“Woah...” Lukas couldn’t help but think that Philip already looked thoroughly fucked. “Savage.”

“Lukas!” Philip plead once again, whimpering as Lukas fingers left him empty. “Hurry!”

“Alright, alright!” Lukas hushed him. “Jeez, can’t you just wait for a second?” His hands shook as he fumbled with the condom wrapper. He cursed under his breath when he failed to open it, his fingers too slippery with lube. Without further ado, he ripped the little foil packet open with his teeth and quickly rolled the condom on his painfully throbbing erection.

“Lukas! Please!” Philip almost screamed at him, the suspense unbearable. Lukas’s cock gave an involuntary twitch as Philip raised his pelvis once again, impatiently attacking Lukas’s groin, causing him to spill lube all over the straw bed and Philip’s backside.

Lukas snarled for the second time that night. His fingers curled around Philip’s hips and pressed inside him. It was a slow thrust, agonizingly so, as he breached Philip’s taut ring in one powerful yet careful stroke.

Lukas paused to let him adjust to the intrusion, but Philip eagerly pushed back, forcing him all the way in. Soft moans left Philip’s lips as Lukas’s weight pinned him down, grounding him. Lukas’s palms cupped the back of Philip’s hands, lacing their fingers together. He kissed and bit Philip’s shoulder, then his neck, then his cheek.

“That’s what you wanted, right?” Lukas drawled against Philip’s trembling lips, kissing the corner of his mouth before starting to rock his hips down into him slowly.

Philip gasped hoarsely into their kiss, unable to form a coherent answer. Lukas’s cock stretched him wide – a delightful, burning sensation that left Philip moaning and tossing. Lukas teeth sank into Philip’s shoulder, biting gently, as he slowly pulled out to drive himself in further, little by little.

Philip groaned, arched his spine and rocked back, alternating between fervently grinding against the makeshift mattress and frantically pushing his ass back, desperate to feel him even deeper inside him.

“Mmmmhh, yeah. Lukas,” Philip moaned.

“God. Oh my god,” Lukas responded, breathless and restless as the intense sensations he was feeling made him shiver. “You feel so good, baby. So soft and warm. Ahh-amazing.” He shifted his angle a little bit until he was brushing Philip’s prostate with every thrust.

“Ah, ahhh! Mhhh!” Philip whined, head tipping back. His hands fisted hard at the soft blankets, knuckles turning white. Every synapse in his brain was bathing in pure dopamine. His legs bent at the knees, toes curling in the air, his dark hued eyes rolling back each and every time Lukas hit the delicate bundle of nerves inside him.

Lukas gasped as tight walls began to cling and quiver around his cock, and he had to stop moving as a forceful wave of pleasure crashed onto him, cursing as his orgasm announced itself with delightful little tremors and increasing prickling at the base of his spine. So he quickly pulled out before he could succumb to the sensation.

The sudden emptiness let Philip groan in frustration. “Lukas, please...”

“Not yet,” Lukas gasped. He didn't want it to end so soon; he didn't want it to ever end. “Not yet. Fuck!”

“Lukas! I need you,” Philip begged once again. He rolled onto his back and lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Lukas’s neck, fingers tangling into his sweaty, blonde hair. Philip pulled him down into his arms with pleading eyes, spreading his legs so Lukas could settle between them. “I’m so close. And I wanna come with you inside me,” he breathed in Lukas ear, planting sweet kisses on his earlobe, then across his jaw to his lips.

Their kiss lacked the wild lust and ferocity of the former ones. It was sweeter, more leisurely than before.

When their lips parted and their eyes met, it was suddenly all clear to them. They knew what they both wanted. Everything they could ever wish for was right in their arms. Nothing else mattered. This night belonged to them. And for once, everything felt right in the world.

Lukas rasped Philip’s name huskily as he gently entered the shivering body in his hold anew.

This time, Philip stayed still, allowing Lukas to set the pace of their lovemaking. Then they moved slowly, almost languidly, tongues teasing, hands clasping, eyes gazing, skin against skin. Sweat and voices mingled together as their smooth and supple bodies moved in unison. Ragged breathing filled the quiet barn while everything else faded into the distance. Lukas and Philip lost themselves in each other, in their intense emotions, but they also found each other again and again and again...

The first one whose feelings exploded was Philip. A whimper left his kiss-swollen lips, which he bit as he threw his head to the side. Violent trembling jerked his body upwards as sporadic spasms rippled through him in ceaseless waves. He breathed heavily, come-streaked chest heaving with exertion.

After a while, he felt gentle, slightly calloused fingertips caressing his flushed cheeks. As Philip turned his head to face Lukas he found soft yet intense cerulean eyes regarding him like a painting – fascinated, enamored, and full of longing.

Philip smiled at him, the white of his eyes glistening softly in the dark. He raised his hands, stroking Lukas’s cheeks with the back of his fingers, giving touches on his face, his neck, over his chest and down his arms.

Lukas returned the smile, and gave himself a moment to feel. Philip’s muscles still quivered and twitched in harmony with his heartbeat. Then he moved again, just once or twice, but it was enough to send him over the edge.

A strangled sound left his lips as his eyes rolled back into his head. He buried his face in the crook of Philip’s neck and gasped hotly against the moist skin, riding out the aftershocks of his orgasm with wild trusts.

Philip moaned, surprised. He dug his fingernails into Lukas’s back. Both shuddered, every fiber of their beings over-sensitive and overwhelmed. Lukas moved his hips a few more times before he finally started to relax.

Philip wrapped his arms tightly around Lukas’s shoulders and rubbed his nose against his boyfriend's cheek, before a breathless, little laugh left his lips. “Good, huh?”

“Yeah,” Lukas panted and chuckled as well. “Amazing.”

Then they collapsed onto the mattress, both of them still heavily panting. Their chests rose and fell like waves in a turbulent ocean, and both of them remained silent for a while. Their fingers were intertwined as they lay next to each other. Both boys could feel the quick heartbeat of the other one, which gradually slowed down to a calmer rhythm as their exhausted limbs relaxed. Little tendrils of steam rose from the sweat on their skin to settle on the cool night air.

Lukas pulled a small package of wet wipes out of his bag and gently cleaned the mess from Philip’s stomach and from between his thighs, causing him to giggle uncontrollably. Lukas chuckled and quickly shoved the used condom and wipes back into the empty wipes package.

“You really touched all the bases tonight, huh?” Philip grinned, unable to hide his amusement.

“I also touched a lot of other things that start with b tonight, bae,” Lukas replied, wriggling his eyebrows teasingly.

Philip groaned. “Oh my god.”

Lukas hugged him close and laughed. He sounded carefree and happy, and that was something Philip would never get enough of.

“Idiot,” Philip said softy, smiling warmly at him before sneaking a raspberry kiss on his neck.

“But you love this idiot,” Lukas replied confidently.

Philip rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically, before said: “Yeaaah. I guess I do.”

“This idiot loves you too,” Lukas breathed against Philip’s lips; the same lips that turned his world upside down so many months ago. Sometimes, he couldn't quite believe the incredible changes his life had taken. He’d always tried to be a giraffe, even though he was actually a penguin. But now he was finally in his element. Instead of a girl, there was a boy in his arms. And it felt good, it felt so incredibly good and right. And in a couple of weeks, they’d leave Tivoli and move to New York City. They’d go to university and share a room. They’d build a life together.

There was a bright future ahead of them.

But Lukas also knew that they’d never be able to shake their tragic past. He knew that some things would never go away. Guilt. Sadness. Grief. And pain.

Rescuing each other from drowning in a sea of negative emotions was a lifelong task they had to deal with. However, as long as they had each other , they could deal with anything.

He felt Philip smile into their kiss and pulled him tighter against his body. Their hands absently stroked over each other’s warm skin as their kisses stretched on and on, intensity ebbing and rising like the tides. But soon, their minds began to fade into sleepiness, just as the splendor of the stars in the night sky was gradually fading into dawn.


End file.
